three. two. one. Blast Off!

There must be something about all this astronaut dress up and talk of "I'm going to outer space when I'm a daddy" (usually it's Russell in the spaceman suit but nothing wrong with a little more estrogen in the field) that has got me thinking a lot about dreams.  That and the last time we were all together, my dad was in his interview mode and fired away some pretty thought provoking questions.  Some I think we'll leave right there at their kitchen table and never revisit again, please (yeah, Stephanie, you're a good sport!), but his question to his adult children about what their dreams are is one I've been wrestling with for a while. 

It seems that right after high school it was five...four...three...two...one...BLAST OFF for me... off to where I thought was a place to make all my childhood dreams come true.  It didn't take me more than two days of living on my own to realize that dreamland was in a whole different galaxy than then the one I was exploring;  I had been launched right into survival mode.  There was a job to be found, tuition to be paid, rent that was due, food to be purchased.  Hello food!  Where is there room for dreaming when the reality that food actually requires money awakens you?!  What a world!

I have long given up on the dreams of when I was a little girl.  Some of them, anyway.  There are others that I still hold near and dear to my heart, some of them that I am living right now even.  The big talk about growing up and having enough children to fill a school bus, however,  and owning a hotel so they each could have their own rooms...that is one dream I'm okay with remaining unrealized.  I'm pretty certain Ryan's off board (on board on getting off that board???) with me on that one, too. 

And now I find myself in this interesting place where I am striving hard to be content with where I am. right. now.  What I have is just. right.  This is an interesting place, indeed, especially for a girl who still believes in dreams, and in dreaming BIG.  I kid, but really life hasn't killed that for me.  I'm just trying to figure out how it all balances together.  And I'm discovering.

#1.  I'm discovering that dreams lose a little something as soon as they've been fulfilled.  The scooter that I vowed to my parents would make me happy for eternity...Santa brought me that scooter for Christmas when I was nine.  We are not quite to eternity yet and I've had a couple of disappointing days since that December 25th morning.  Don't get me wrong, my scooter was awesome, but it didn't deliver all the promise that I had dreamed it would.  This explains #2.

#2.  I'm discovering that for the very reason of #1, I need to be dreaming.  The bigger the dream the better.  I don't dream, necessarily,  to have the dream fulfilled.  I dream to enjoy the JOY of dreaming...and to #3.

#3.  I'm discovering that as I enjoy the joy of dreaming, today is just. MORE. right.  I am more content with where I'm at right now because tomorrow is going to be great, too.  In the proper light and with an understanding of appropriate timing,  it doesn't have to be one or the other.  I've got oodles of examples for this.  Do you really want examples or have I made this post long enough already???

#4.  I'm discovering that Russell will try just about anything on his plate if I remind him that Astronauts eat their broccoli, green beans, brussell sprouts, potatoes, peaches....whatever...  The dream is there to make me a better person today, and if it happens to get me farther than that, then happy, happy... is failure even possible in these conditions? 

#5.  Would you know it, in all this I've discovered that I want to be an astronaut when I grow up.  How 'bout I go write that one down on next week's grocery list?  I think it will fit nicely right next to "must buy diapers!"