A lot, a lot
Somewhere in between the baths and breakfasts, lunchtimes, nap times, storybook reading marathons, tuck in for night times, haircuts, wiping noses, diaper changes, it's time for new shoes again 'cause these kids grow like weeds times, vaccinations, timeouts, buckling and unbuckling and re buckling from car seats and strollers and shopping carts and highchairs and bike helmets...somewhere in between all of this buckling, I have had to ask myself a very BIG question. FOR REAL?! This is me fulfilling my sacred duty as a mother? What have I missed here?
This whole motherhood thing, so I've heard, is all about giving... from the moment we become pregnant and our bodies are no longer ours and we're giving up what once resembled somewhat of a figure in exchange for lugging around an extra 30, 40, okay, I'll admit it, 48 pounds of baby bump; giving up our sleep to find a bathroom; giving up our brains to who knows where... and wait, the child hasn't even been born yet! So then begins the whole nursing thing.... just kidding, Marissa! I won't go there. My sister is about to have her first child any day now so I'll be kind and spare her all the gory details. So I get it. We get it. We give our kids a lot. A lot, a lot.
We give them a lot and they give a lot in return. But to say that the infectious smiles, the first "I love yous," the sticky kisses- I LOVE IT- but if I were to say this fulfills my need to know I'm being effective as a mother, I wouldn't be being completely honest. Their little feet and all their firsts will fade away as certainly as the trash truck comes to sweep away the evidence of my efforts from the big green garbage bin that we set out on our curb each week. What could I possibly be giving them in between all of these tedious tasks that I can be confident won't get whisked away as life happens to them?
I've always had a general idea of what I want my children to take with them into the world, but when you're a new mom and the reality of routine days hits you head on, the whiplash turns the clarity you once had on how to be a "perfect parent," a little ... fuzzy...
So I've set out seeking...books, Mommy blogs, prayer... What can I give them?
Love is the obvious answer but a little too fuzzy still ...are our young children equating clean diapers and food to fill their bellies with love?...or oh, I get it. If I just hold off till they're teenagers and they can actually communicate, that is when they'll begin equating receiving food and shelter with being loved. Ha, ha, hardly! We love them, but do they KNOW they are loved?...lovable? valuable? A for real, literal, authentic as can be, child of Deity? How can I give them that, that feeling of self worth? The deliverer of that message, the giver of THAT, I feel, deserves the title of a sacred responsibility. And THAT is where I have found new meaning, joy even, in every stain I've removed, every spill I've cleaned up, every afternoon I've spent at the park, every family night that is far from reverent, every time I've put the laptop down to play on the floor with Lego's, every time I review a monthly bank statement that reflects a family living on a single income. As I show them they're worth it...worth Mom's time and talents and patience and sacrifice and love, they'll begin to FEEL like they're worth it. THAT I can give them. I can give them ME. Bring on the buckling...while I can still buckle them...and while they still think they want me! So how does all of this fit in, exactly, to when they turn thirteen?
This whole motherhood thing, so I've heard, is all about giving... from the moment we become pregnant and our bodies are no longer ours and we're giving up what once resembled somewhat of a figure in exchange for lugging around an extra 30, 40, okay, I'll admit it, 48 pounds of baby bump; giving up our sleep to find a bathroom; giving up our brains to who knows where... and wait, the child hasn't even been born yet! So then begins the whole nursing thing.... just kidding, Marissa! I won't go there. My sister is about to have her first child any day now so I'll be kind and spare her all the gory details. So I get it. We get it. We give our kids a lot. A lot, a lot.
We give them a lot and they give a lot in return. But to say that the infectious smiles, the first "I love yous," the sticky kisses- I LOVE IT- but if I were to say this fulfills my need to know I'm being effective as a mother, I wouldn't be being completely honest. Their little feet and all their firsts will fade away as certainly as the trash truck comes to sweep away the evidence of my efforts from the big green garbage bin that we set out on our curb each week. What could I possibly be giving them in between all of these tedious tasks that I can be confident won't get whisked away as life happens to them?
I've always had a general idea of what I want my children to take with them into the world, but when you're a new mom and the reality of routine days hits you head on, the whiplash turns the clarity you once had on how to be a "perfect parent," a little ... fuzzy...
So I've set out seeking...books, Mommy blogs, prayer... What can I give them?
Love is the obvious answer but a little too fuzzy still ...are our young children equating clean diapers and food to fill their bellies with love?...or oh, I get it. If I just hold off till they're teenagers and they can actually communicate, that is when they'll begin equating receiving food and shelter with being loved. Ha, ha, hardly! We love them, but do they KNOW they are loved?...lovable? valuable? A for real, literal, authentic as can be, child of Deity? How can I give them that, that feeling of self worth? The deliverer of that message, the giver of THAT, I feel, deserves the title of a sacred responsibility. And THAT is where I have found new meaning, joy even, in every stain I've removed, every spill I've cleaned up, every afternoon I've spent at the park, every family night that is far from reverent, every time I've put the laptop down to play on the floor with Lego's, every time I review a monthly bank statement that reflects a family living on a single income. As I show them they're worth it...worth Mom's time and talents and patience and sacrifice and love, they'll begin to FEEL like they're worth it. THAT I can give them. I can give them ME. Bring on the buckling...while I can still buckle them...and while they still think they want me! So how does all of this fit in, exactly, to when they turn thirteen?
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